Triggers

I woke up early today, the dogs clamoring to be let outside. A storm was rolling in, the rain and thunder were so relaxing to hear. I puttered around; getting dog food out, putting away dishes, seeing M off to work. Soon enough the rainy weather died out and gave away to wind and a bright, blue, cloudless sky. I settled in to start my work day but kept getting distracted by that brilliant sky. Eventually I made my way outside, to smoke a cigarette (yes, it's nasty but a habit I've picked up) and sit under that sky. Something about that damn sky triggered memories that started running through my mind, happy memories but memories involving people from my past that I seldom think about much anymore.

I just sat there seeing, quite vividly, these stolen glimpses at a life I no longer lead. I've made as much peace as possible with the ugly I've been through. Sure there's still some room to improve and some hurdles left to clear. But, for the most part, I'm perfectly happy with where I am. I don't have the need to frequently be sitting around reminiscing about the past. I don't have the urge I used to have to go back to how things use to be. I'm ok. I survived. I fucking thrived.

I stood up, ready to shake off those memories and finish up my day. I tossed the cigarette out and made my way inside. Leaving that beautiful, blue sky and all those memories outside...until the next time something tugs at the corners of my mind and I surrender to the tidal wave.