Go Home, October

The calendar is about to turn to October and if you've been following me since the start, then you know how much I adore Autumn. I love everything about this season and October has long been my most favorite month. But, now, it's really lost a lot of it's appeal. You see, October is when XH and I became us, all those years ago. In fact, it would have been 15 years this month. Instead whatever use to be us is forever lost and frozen in time at thirteen years. The other thing that makes this month hard is the other significant date that coincidentally also happened in October. And that is the date XH called me and confessed his desire for a divorce. I have a thing about synchronicity and the fact that we both started and ended in October just resonates with me. Never-mind that we married in July and our divorce finalized in December. Even though those actual dates show synchronicity too, but I digress.

October is also the month my Dad had his massive bilateral stroke in 2008. That set us down the path of colon cancer and the slow realization that his time with us was very limited. We ended up starting hospice care for him three years later in October 2011 and he died five weeks later, in December.

It's the above reasons that make October and December so bittersweet, so emotionally taxing. I'm happily decorating the house in all it's Halloween splendor. I'm gleefully buying/drinking/eating all the pumpkin spiced goods. I'm thrilled to be planning trips to the corn maze, pumpkin patch, haunted houses, and the Renaissance Festival. I haven't yet pulled out the leggings, tights, light sweaters, and boots because Houston hasn't gotten the memo that Autumn has officially started, but I know it's only a matter of time! The coziness of the next three months is about to start and I do love it. But, fuck, it's bittersweet.

Things have been hard lately, I'm not going to lie. My health issues are a hard pill to swallow. Things are weird with a couple of my friends. I'm stressed about my continued non-luck with job hunting. And, this shit with XH is weighing on me too. Add to that some pregnancy announcements and me missing my Dad and it makes for one emotional Amanda.

::September 28th was my 6th blogoversary! Imagine me throwing confetti all over you and giving you a huge hug. If you are ever in my hood, I'm totally buying you a drink! Much love to all of you who have been here from the early days, if you in fact are still following along..lol::

blogoversary & a giveaway!

Two years ago, I started my blog with this post and reading that again now is bittersweet. I thought our biggest problem was PCOS and my liver. I said that I was hopeful because I couldn't contemplate anything beyond what we were dealing with, I just couldn't fathom there might be something bigger than PCOS. Being in my shoes now, post azoo diagnosis and post all the hell of last year, I am such a different person but I am still hopeful. I now know more then I ever dreamed of knowing about sperm and biopsies and IVF and chromosomal defects and heartache and tears and pain. But I think we will conquer this and I still buy cute baby onesies to be used in the future. I still cling to hope despite it all.

So, in honor of this 2nd blogoversary, I am having a giveaway! To thank all of you for your support and kind words because I can't explain enough just how incredible all of you are! I am giving away a little piece of hope and a cute coffee mug with a quote from the ever awesome Alice in Wonderland.

 

To enter, you must be a follower of my kickass blog and leave one comment by October 2nd, when I will close the contest and announce a winner. I will use the lovely assistance of random.org to choose said winner. Good luck, everyone!!