Hope

I need an outlet, somewhere to vent the frustrations and sadness associated with all the crap that has been tossed my way this year. I follow quite a few blogs that have been such a beacon of light as I try to deal with my fertility issues and hope that I can, in at least a small way, add to that beacon of light. I was diagnosed with PCOS this past April and we've been TTC almost since we got married two years ago. I say almost because we never officially called it TTC, we just did our thing and nothing happened. The PCOS also led to another diagnosis of nonalcoholic steatohepatitis aka a fatty liver. See what I mean about a crappy year? and this is after having my diseased gallbladder removed last November. It's been a whirlwind of surgeries, biopsies, labs and all types of doctors, our insurance company must love me!

The doctors strongly feel that I must get my liver under control before taking the next step in fertility treatments. I'm sad to put TTC on hold in order to fix my health but at the same time, how could I not? I need to be healthy before I carry a child, I need to be in better shape and all that but...it makes me sad. I am ready to have a baby, to be a mom and we are ready to make our world evolve around our child. The "we" I am referring to is my sweet husband Carlos, and he has been amazingly supportive through all of this. He has really stepped up to the plate and taken care of everything when I just could not or would not. Our two year old marriage has been interesting in face of all this medical crap.

Anyway, the depression sometimes gets the best of me and I am still trying to learn my way around PCOS, infertility and what this all means for us. I am hopeful because I just cannot contemplate anything beyond that right now, maybe I'm just being naive but I'm determined to not let PCOS get the last word! Hence the title of my blog, Hope Is Ours, because right now it is all I have to cling to.