Hurricane Harvey

So, last month was a bitch. Harvey made landfall about 200ish miles away from where I live, they warned us to expect the "dirty side". We prepared and discussed evacuating but since landfall was so far away and our city officials weren't asking us to, we decided to stay put. Once we realized just how massive and strong it was, we made another trip to the store to stock up on even more supplies. However, there was very, very little left. The night before the rain and wind started, our local Walmart had no flashlights, candles, canned goods, bread, eggs, or milk. Plenty of water and junk food though so we bought copious amounts of both.

When we woke up Friday, the rain and wind had already begun. We looked at the forecast and started packing to evacuate. By the time we had the stuff loaded and the three dogs ready, conditions were continuing to deteriorate. We slowly made it to my brother's house about 12 miles away and were welcomed to a break in the weather. We knew if we left the Houston area, we would not be able to get back in due to how easily the city and highways flood. None of us wanted to be stuck outside of the area. None of us left. M and I came back home and unloaded in torrential rain. Harvey was getting closer and closer but Friday night things were just like your typical storm. We even ventured out to a fast food joint around 9pm. We settled in bed with junk food and Netflix. Then our phones started going crazy with weather alerts. Thus began a very long night of tornado warnings, horrible thunder and lightning, and hiding in our closet with the dogs. Nobody slept much.

Saturday the rain was light. The bayou literally 16 feet away from our building was high but not scary. We attempted to run to the store and almost flooded our SUV so we knew home was the best bet. That night was when it all went to hell. The bayou rose so quickly once night fell that we were knocking on neighbors doors to warn them and to frantically move all our vehicles. The bayou was in the parking lot and the rain didn't stop. Sunday was bad, Monday was horrible. Our roof began leaking, sewers stopped working. We hardly slept. We could hear people yelling for help outside. My brother, SIL, nephew, and niece fled their house when it began quickly flooding. My sister, BIL, niece, and nephew were rescued via boat. My Grandma and aunt were as well.

The water outside was over my knees, luckily I'm on the second floor and the water began receding before it got into the bottom apartments. We had our downstairs neighbor's stuff in ours, just in case they flooded. Which they quickly took back when our roof began leaking!

Here we are a month later, the roof has been fixed, my brother's house is livable again, and my sister's is too. We all were so very fortunate. But seeing how many all around us have lost everything has been heartbreaking. Recovery has been very slow. But we all will recover and rebuild and continue living in this area built on bayou and swamp because we freaking love this city. It's awfully humid and hot nine months of the year, the mosquitoes are huge, and TX politics are enough to make anyone crazy, but Houston is special.

Please consider donating to anybody but the Red Cross, either to Harvey relief or Irma or Maria. Help TX, FL, and Puerto Rico. And please encourage your elected officials to believe in climate change.

People still suck

I feel like I blinked and now it's October. This year has just flown by, particularly the last couple of months. It feels like Summer just started and now it's over and Fall has arrived. Time really goes by faster the older you get. I'm actually relieved though because it's been a hard year for me and I'm just so over it. I'm such a hopeful, grab life by the balls and carpe diem the shit out of it person, so it sucks when I'm counting down the days for a new start.

If I've learned anything in the last few years, it's that life is hard. And dammit if I'm not sick and tired of it being so damn hard. I'm ready for simplicity and easy sailing on smooth seas. But it seems that isn't part of the plan for me, at least not yet. And yes, I know things could be worse, I know that better than most. But that doesn't mean I can't complain. There is no pain olympics or threshold to be met before a person can bitch and moan.

It's been a hard time lately with XH, with FI, with well meaning friends and family who butt their noses into my life on the regular. It seems everyone has an opinion about my life and how I should be living it. It's tiring and frustrating and maddening. Can I just live? Where were all these opinions when I was severely depressed and a raging bitch? Why didn't any of these people point out what I couldn't see about myself? Especially XH, well, mainly him. Nobody was closer to me and he didn't even throw me a lifeline. Nobody in my life tried to help me when I was desperately drowning and literally couldn't see how that was affecting me.

But now? Oh now they all rush in to point out my "failings" and where I should improve my life. So many opinions. And eventually, after hearing from multiple people, it starts to mess with your head. And you start to wonder if they are right. Because your trust in your own judgment isn't 100% since you were so obviously wrong about your marriage and husband. It's hard to trust yourself now because it went so catastrophically bad.

I need a vacation. Far, far away from all these well meaning people. Where I can sleep late, read, watch too much tv, and stare at beautiful starry skies. And ignore all these people who think they know me better than I know myself.

Busy Summer

It's been a busy summer and it feels so good now that things are settling down! I spent much of the last few weeks getting my oldest nephew ready for college because he was offered a baseball scholarship! I am so proud of him! I went with my brother and SIL to help move him into his dorm recently and it was such an emotional experience. He's now happily settled in Kansas, over ten hours away from us, and that is challenging for my close-knit family! But we are insanely proud and can't wait for his first visit back home for Fall break.

My dad's birthday recently passed too. It was an emotional day, of course, but I was also busy preparing to leave for Kansas so that distraction was nice. The pain was quieter this year than previous years. Which surprised me, especially since Father's Day sucked like it usually does and I expected the same for his birthday. I had trouble sleeping the night before his birthday, I just didn't want to lay in the dark reliving his last moments over and over. So I ended up awake and surfing the Internet until I was too exhausted to think and passed out. I wish he was still here and could see my nephew in college to play baseball. My Dad loved the game, coached my brother from little league until he stopped playing in high school, and played on a softball league until his stroke. He never missed either of my nephews' games and even attended two of their games while on hospice.

I know he's watching now, I just wish I could see his reaction to it all. How thrilled he'd be, the advice he'd be yelling out to him on the field, the snark he'd lever towards the coaches and umpires, the pure awe he would surely feel to see his grandson doing what we all dreamed, hoped, and prayed for when he was a little four year old playing for the YMCA.

My nephew received a lot of advice in the weeks before he left from everyone. I even sat him down to talk about safe sex and consent, which I've lectured him about since he was fourteen, but I wanted to really drive it home. I told him that his Grandpa is and always will be watching over him with pride. That my dad always said being their Grandpa was his life's greatest treasure. I told him with love like that watching over you from Heaven, how can you ever fail? Try everything with gusto and enjoyment because how can you fail? Spread those wings and soar, because how can you fail?

And even if you do fall on your face, if you stand back up and keep going, how did you fail? Redefine failure as not trying, not getting back up, as not daring to live like failure doesn't exist.

Lord, I hope he listens and takes it to heart. I hope he seizes the day and squeezes every last drop of greatness out. And when it doesn't work, or he has a bad day, I hope he looks up into the sky and feels all that love so he can try again tomorrow.