C's surgery lasted longer then originally thought and we are finally back at my ILs. He is fine and currently is crashed out thanks pain meds. My head is spinning from all the information though. They found sperm, hiding in the middle of C's testicles! They took biopsies and are freezing the sperm they find. It won't be a lot but they are freezing it for us!! There was no varicocele but H's vas deferens had been cut in two by our inexperienced Dr. Nuts back home. Luckily, they were able to reconnect it. Not sure how we'll pursue informing Dr. Nuts but rest assured, he will be told.
Dr. L urged us to go the IVF route and expressed his doubt over the docs back home being able to do a good job. (Imagine that!) Once I agreed, he got on the phone and got a RE to squeeze me in tomorrow morning here in Houston. This RE is suppose to be one of the best and I am thrilled!
So, forced break is over and IVF is on! I am stunned, scared, hopeful and excited all at once. Busy day tomorrow with new RE, follow up for H and my birthday!
Showing posts with label RE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RE. Show all posts
January 26, 2010
November 22, 2009
my RE
Amazing how much better you feel after a good cry in the shower, away from people who don't know how to comfort you and away from the husband who feels guilty about the tears. I listened to you and cried in the shower, it was such a release and I felt much better on Friday to see my RE. No matter how far I think I've come in dealing with IF, the day before and the day of our appointments never fail to send me in a downward spin. I can never sleep the night before an appointment and usually cry in the car after we leave one. Drives me crazy because even good appointments cause my insanity to surface. We heard nothing but horrible news for so long that now the good news makes me nervous and scared/anxious/sad/all the emotions listed in a thesaurus. But whatever, I'll just bury it until our next appointment!
Anyway, I have good news! I don't have any STDs...Woot Woot! My RE actually apologized to me when he told me about the required STD testing for IVF and assured me that I would pass, which made me laugh. Carlos is next up for his STD screening and I hope to take him this week to get it over with. Since AF and I haven't been on speaking terms since July, he prescribed Provera. He also informed me that I am not insulin resistant and just have plain ol' PCOS so no Metformin for me. That annoyed the crap out of me because I really wanted the Met. I'm going to do a little digging to see if any non-IR PCOS ladies used Met successfully to help with the other lovely PCOS symptoms like acne and hirsutism. I was on 1000 mg of Met for three months and other then losing 3 lbs, nothing else happened on such a low dosage.
He prescribed me Yaz to help with the PCOS. Oh the irony of being on BCP when you're TTC! I am terrified of the Yaz because of Dr. Google. I have liver disease, why in the world would my RE prescribe Yaz to me?! I'm going to call him tomorrow and ask about that. I'm not 100% comfortable with my RE, I don't have much confidence in him. Granted, I've only seen him twice now but I left this last visit feeling like he wasn't the best for us. I just have a feeling about him, not sure if it's genuine fear or just nerves. C is working out of town and when he gets home we're going to have a long talk about it and I'm going to see what he thinks about my RE when he goes in for his STD bloodwork before making a decision to switch or not.
If I stay with my RE, looks like we are on track for IVF next year. We're aiming for the summer to give us time to fight our insurance company to cover it and save if they won't. Right now everything just feels scattered and unorganized, I hate feeling this way. Once Thanksgiving is over and my sister and niece are back in TX, I'm going to focus on getting everything back on track.
Anyway, I have good news! I don't have any STDs...Woot Woot! My RE actually apologized to me when he told me about the required STD testing for IVF and assured me that I would pass, which made me laugh. Carlos is next up for his STD screening and I hope to take him this week to get it over with. Since AF and I haven't been on speaking terms since July, he prescribed Provera. He also informed me that I am not insulin resistant and just have plain ol' PCOS so no Metformin for me. That annoyed the crap out of me because I really wanted the Met. I'm going to do a little digging to see if any non-IR PCOS ladies used Met successfully to help with the other lovely PCOS symptoms like acne and hirsutism. I was on 1000 mg of Met for three months and other then losing 3 lbs, nothing else happened on such a low dosage.
He prescribed me Yaz to help with the PCOS. Oh the irony of being on BCP when you're TTC! I am terrified of the Yaz because of Dr. Google. I have liver disease, why in the world would my RE prescribe Yaz to me?! I'm going to call him tomorrow and ask about that. I'm not 100% comfortable with my RE, I don't have much confidence in him. Granted, I've only seen him twice now but I left this last visit feeling like he wasn't the best for us. I just have a feeling about him, not sure if it's genuine fear or just nerves. C is working out of town and when he gets home we're going to have a long talk about it and I'm going to see what he thinks about my RE when he goes in for his STD bloodwork before making a decision to switch or not.
If I stay with my RE, looks like we are on track for IVF next year. We're aiming for the summer to give us time to fight our insurance company to cover it and save if they won't. Right now everything just feels scattered and unorganized, I hate feeling this way. Once Thanksgiving is over and my sister and niece are back in TX, I'm going to focus on getting everything back on track.
November 19, 2009
Bad Day
Today was just one of those days where IF was a heavy burden to bear. I've spent the past week playing phone tag with Dr. L's office trying to figure out if our insurance is covering any of the procedures and if not, how much we have to bring..er, save, for the procedures. I've also been dealing with my sister and her problems, while helping her care for her four month old daughter. It's emotionally exhausting being around a baby 24/7 when dealing with IF. I'm not bitter but I sure as hell am sad. Plus C's company cut our insurance plan and we're trying to find out if they will still cover all the meds we will need for IVF. We still have insurance, just with a MUCH higher deductible and pathetically small IF coverage.
Tomorrow is my IVF consult with my RE, the one where I assume we will discuss costs, medications, time-lines and how to work with Dr. L in Houston for sperm retrieval, freezing and mailing to Little Rock. Plus success rates, if my RE has ever done IVF with this type of logistics and whether or not he thinks it'll work. I might just end up using a clinic in Houston that a nestie (the nest) recommended to me. The clinic in Houston is much cheaper but it would be a real pain the arse to cycle in Houston with C still in Arkansas. C and I are also discussing just how we're going to pay for IVF, that is a scary conversation! I wish we were millionaires!
I was just grumpy as hell today, angry at no one and everyone. I just want a really good cry but won't let myself while my sister is here. She's here for ten more days and after that, I'm going to sit on the couch and cry my eyes out.
Tomorrow is my IVF consult with my RE, the one where I assume we will discuss costs, medications, time-lines and how to work with Dr. L in Houston for sperm retrieval, freezing and mailing to Little Rock. Plus success rates, if my RE has ever done IVF with this type of logistics and whether or not he thinks it'll work. I might just end up using a clinic in Houston that a nestie (the nest) recommended to me. The clinic in Houston is much cheaper but it would be a real pain the arse to cycle in Houston with C still in Arkansas. C and I are also discussing just how we're going to pay for IVF, that is a scary conversation! I wish we were millionaires!
I was just grumpy as hell today, angry at no one and everyone. I just want a really good cry but won't let myself while my sister is here. She's here for ten more days and after that, I'm going to sit on the couch and cry my eyes out.
September 25, 2009
No easy way out
Just when I think I've reached a place where I am dealing with IF, something happens to knock me off my ass and I realize that maybe you never truly deal with IF, you just learn to ignore it better. Hello, I'm Amanda and I'm in denial.
This week has been hard for me. Hard in a way that I haven't encountered since our lovely phone call informing us that C's SA was zero. There have been 3 doctor visits, 1 procedure done and C's biopsy isn't even until Monday. I met with my gastroenterologist and he recommended I have a colonoscopy since my Dad was dx so young with colon cancer and my paternal grandfather died from lymphoma. Yay for me! I had it done yesterday and was blissfully sedated for it. He found one little problem and sent it out for biopsy but he doesn't think it's anything serious. He also informed us that my liver is functioning slightly worse and that my body might not sustain a pregnancy without being a threat to my life. I left in tears.
I also met with my RE for the first time this week. He's something else for sure. Dr. Blunt is what I'm calling him b/c he just laid it all out in a manner that I had thought would be done with sensitivity. Nope, not my RE! He tells it like it is...jerk, I need things sugar-coated! I actually had a special experience at his office, I had a rather unexpected visit with the dildocam. I've heard stories about this special instrument, read posts by other nesties laughing about it but had never had the pleasure myself. I was nervous about my RE being a guy, never having been seen down below by a male doctor but was reassured that he probably wouldn't on my first visit. HA! Not only did Dr. Blunt get all up in there, his male nurse assisted him. Well, hello, let's just invite all the men in the building to look at my broken lady parts. I've heard that IF makes you lose all sense of modesty and now I can see why people say that!
Anyway, Dr. Blunt showed me my ovaries and they were covered in cysts. He called me a "textbook PCOS patient", woohoo! Finally I excel at something, too bad it's IF! He drew some blood from me for something to do with metformin and because I was already fasting for my colonoscopy, patted me on my ass and sent me off. Well, not really, there was no pat but I felt like we both deserved one after the ultrasound. I had fun describing it all to C, who thought it was hilarious. Joking aside, Dr. Blunt really pushed home that donor sperm is probably our best option and certainly the cheapest. Our insurance doesn't cover IUI or IVF and IVF is what he recommends for us and it's only 15k.
I can't wait to see what the hell Monday brings for us and feel so depressed after all the bad news this week. IF has made us it's bitch and I can't help but feel like we are so screwed.
This week has been hard for me. Hard in a way that I haven't encountered since our lovely phone call informing us that C's SA was zero. There have been 3 doctor visits, 1 procedure done and C's biopsy isn't even until Monday. I met with my gastroenterologist and he recommended I have a colonoscopy since my Dad was dx so young with colon cancer and my paternal grandfather died from lymphoma. Yay for me! I had it done yesterday and was blissfully sedated for it. He found one little problem and sent it out for biopsy but he doesn't think it's anything serious. He also informed us that my liver is functioning slightly worse and that my body might not sustain a pregnancy without being a threat to my life. I left in tears.
I also met with my RE for the first time this week. He's something else for sure. Dr. Blunt is what I'm calling him b/c he just laid it all out in a manner that I had thought would be done with sensitivity. Nope, not my RE! He tells it like it is...jerk, I need things sugar-coated! I actually had a special experience at his office, I had a rather unexpected visit with the dildocam. I've heard stories about this special instrument, read posts by other nesties laughing about it but had never had the pleasure myself. I was nervous about my RE being a guy, never having been seen down below by a male doctor but was reassured that he probably wouldn't on my first visit. HA! Not only did Dr. Blunt get all up in there, his male nurse assisted him. Well, hello, let's just invite all the men in the building to look at my broken lady parts. I've heard that IF makes you lose all sense of modesty and now I can see why people say that!
Anyway, Dr. Blunt showed me my ovaries and they were covered in cysts. He called me a "textbook PCOS patient", woohoo! Finally I excel at something, too bad it's IF! He drew some blood from me for something to do with metformin and because I was already fasting for my colonoscopy, patted me on my ass and sent me off. Well, not really, there was no pat but I felt like we both deserved one after the ultrasound. I had fun describing it all to C, who thought it was hilarious. Joking aside, Dr. Blunt really pushed home that donor sperm is probably our best option and certainly the cheapest. Our insurance doesn't cover IUI or IVF and IVF is what he recommends for us and it's only 15k.
I can't wait to see what the hell Monday brings for us and feel so depressed after all the bad news this week. IF has made us it's bitch and I can't help but feel like we are so screwed.
September 15, 2009
Small Steps
Finally got off my butt and made an appointment with a RE today! Amazingly, they are able to see me next week on the 23rd, I am super excited! I know that it might all be for nothing if the biopsy results come back zero but I'm still going to go anyway and see what can be done about my PCOS. I'm tired of seeing Dr. Insensitive (my gyno for anyone new) and I'm never going back to her again. I can't wait to call her stupid office and request they send my medical file to my RE. ha! my RE!! Not sure why, but it feels good to have made that appointment.
C's biopsy is Thursday and wow, we are all over the place with our emotions. I'll be so relieved once it's over and then I'll be a mess waiting for the results but at least we'll have definite answers. I have an appointment Friday with my gastroenterologist to check on my fatass liver. I have liver disease and we monitor it twice a year so it's just our usual appt. My doctor is a tall, very round guy and it's quite amusing to hear him lecture me on losing weight. I'm a little worried about the visit, I don't want my liver to be worse because I really don't want to stop drinking wine ;)
This has definitely been a year of doctors for C and me, I can only hope that they found tons of little swimmers and we continue having our bank acct drained by doctors. I'd gladly continue with doctor visits if it meant we'd have a baby. But, I know we all would. Damn IF.
In some unrelated baby news, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law welcomed a new baby this week, my sweet niece Jaclyn. She is their third baby in three years. I'm happy for them but the thought of seeing all 3 kids this Christmas leaves me feeling all stabby, hope nobody pisses me off when I run errands later!
C's biopsy is Thursday and wow, we are all over the place with our emotions. I'll be so relieved once it's over and then I'll be a mess waiting for the results but at least we'll have definite answers. I have an appointment Friday with my gastroenterologist to check on my fatass liver. I have liver disease and we monitor it twice a year so it's just our usual appt. My doctor is a tall, very round guy and it's quite amusing to hear him lecture me on losing weight. I'm a little worried about the visit, I don't want my liver to be worse because I really don't want to stop drinking wine ;)
This has definitely been a year of doctors for C and me, I can only hope that they found tons of little swimmers and we continue having our bank acct drained by doctors. I'd gladly continue with doctor visits if it meant we'd have a baby. But, I know we all would. Damn IF.
In some unrelated baby news, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law welcomed a new baby this week, my sweet niece Jaclyn. She is their third baby in three years. I'm happy for them but the thought of seeing all 3 kids this Christmas leaves me feeling all stabby, hope nobody pisses me off when I run errands later!
July 23, 2009
Mixed Feelings
My HSG was this morning and I didn't sleep a wink last night. My mind was too busy swirling around with worse case scenarios and horrible outcomes. It didn't help that C was working OOT, he's in the oilfield and works long hours. Eventually I gave up on sleep and started googling azoospermia, my new favorite thing to do. Ugh, why am I torturing myself? Anyway, luckily my appt was at 8am and I was back home and in bed by 10! It was painful and very awkward but I'm glad we did it. Dr. Insensitive (my gyno) was there and while it comforting that it would be her staring at my lady parts, it was also hard because all I wanted to do was throat-punch her for telling me that my husband is sterile. They tell me that my uterus and tubes are "beautifully open" to which I replied, "Yay, now let's fix my husband!" Which caused Dr. Insensitive to raise her eyebrows and walk out the room. Bitch, that is why I have found an RE!
Thankfully there are a couple of options in AR for me and I'm waiting on the results of C's urologist appt to make my own with a RE. So much hinges on C's appt that it makes me want to vomit when I think about it. Carlos isn't handling it too well either. He gets really sad, especially at night but we were finally able to both cry about it. I have seen C cry maybe 5 times in the almost 10 years of our relationship and it made me so mad that IF is causing him so much pain too. When I called him with the all clear results of my HSG, he got really quiet and I knew that he was thinking, "wow it really is me" so I told him "but we don't even know if I ovulate on my own yet! it's not just you!" I laugh about that now because IF make us say the oddest things to each other now. Our conversations used to be about our weekend plans, plans for the house, travel, etc and now they are about SAs, PCOS, fertility meds and doctor appts. I wish this was all just a bad dream that I could wake up from.
We're headed to the coast of TX this weekend to spend some time with our families and I can't wait to put some distance between us and IF. We really need some time to forget and gear up for whatever the urologist finds or doesn't find next week. See? I just fought back the urge to vomit. Have I ever said how much I hate IF?
Thankfully there are a couple of options in AR for me and I'm waiting on the results of C's urologist appt to make my own with a RE. So much hinges on C's appt that it makes me want to vomit when I think about it. Carlos isn't handling it too well either. He gets really sad, especially at night but we were finally able to both cry about it. I have seen C cry maybe 5 times in the almost 10 years of our relationship and it made me so mad that IF is causing him so much pain too. When I called him with the all clear results of my HSG, he got really quiet and I knew that he was thinking, "wow it really is me" so I told him "but we don't even know if I ovulate on my own yet! it's not just you!" I laugh about that now because IF make us say the oddest things to each other now. Our conversations used to be about our weekend plans, plans for the house, travel, etc and now they are about SAs, PCOS, fertility meds and doctor appts. I wish this was all just a bad dream that I could wake up from.
We're headed to the coast of TX this weekend to spend some time with our families and I can't wait to put some distance between us and IF. We really need some time to forget and gear up for whatever the urologist finds or doesn't find next week. See? I just fought back the urge to vomit. Have I ever said how much I hate IF?
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