At long last the house is sold and closed and done. M and I found a charming apartment in a small town about 20 minutes from my hometown. Our new town is adorable and where my Mom grew up so I still have family here too. It actually reminds me of the small central Arkansas town I use to live in! We've been here two weeks and just love it more and more. The dogs are adjusting well too, which makes me happy.
XH helped us move, which I know sounds odd, but we've settled into a friendship and everyone gets along so it's a nice change of pace. He's spending time with my nephews again and has attended several family functions. He is the godfather to my 11 y/o nephew so I'm actually thrilled it's working out so well. Everyone in my life is losing their damn mind that we're friends, nobody understands it. But, that's a post for another day!
Closing on the house that XH and I had built was a mix of emotions. We were in the middle of moving all the last stuff so we were all at the house, XH included. In fact, he drove me to closing. We ended up being delayed at the title company for a couple of hours so we sat in the conference room and chatted about it all. The irony was not lost on me in the slightest.
That house represented so many things and walking away from it was truly heartbreaking. It was gorgeous and I loved it; all the space, the backyard, the location, the layout, the storage, the way I decorated it, the memories we made, and who I shared it with. All of it. In quiet moments in-between unpacking, organizing, and attending to our busy lives, I get hit with the longing to just go home to it. To sit in the backyard again and stare at the stars. To gossip with my Mom around the kitchen island. To walk into my brother's room and borrow a movie.
I think about the room I had imagined as a nursery when we built it. The last night there, M and I walked from room to room, double checking everything. I paused in the room and described to him how I would have set a nursery up, where the crib would have gone, the glider, the bookcase. What color I would have painted for a girl or for a boy. Then I told him just how sad it was to leave yet another house where I envisioned a nursery that never came to life.
I'm not sure kids are a part of my plan anymore but I am sure that it just plain sucks that my body made the choice for me about that.