October 1, 2009

and now we wait

The biopsy was finally done yesterday. C was a champ and cracked jokes the whole time, I was nervous and very anxious. Thankfully, it went well and now he's hobbling around the house with a large ice pack. He has only taken two pain meds and is planning on going to work tomorrow. I'm not happy about that but he insists that he'll be fine, we shall see. I'm just glad it's over.

Dr. Nuts said there was no blockage, which leaves me filled with doubt that the biopsy will show presence of sperm. We should get the results on Monday. Odd feeling knowing that our future will be determined Monday, makes me all crazy and feeling like I'm going to throw up. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst but I have this little splash of hope inside that is refusing to stay quiet. Hope, a four letter word that keeps me going but that also causes so much pain when it doesn't work out.

Now we wait, we sit around and wait to find out what our next step is. Regardless, I'm sure the results will bring tears, I'm just hoping that they are tears of happiness rather then of sadness. I just don't think I'm strong enough to survive the grief otherwise.


  1. What a hard wait! I am so hoping you will have tears of joy.

    I hope you two will be able to do something nice for yourselves this weekend. Keeping you both in my T&P.

  2. I'm praying that you get good results on Monday! Be kind to yourselves this weekend, I know how hard and difficult the waiting can be.