Confusion

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy and sometimes Google is evil. I decided to search for sperm banks, you know to gather information, find some articles and all that jazz. That tied my stomach into knots and made me feel a little sad. It was such a mind trip to be looking for a man to impregnate me, I thought I had made that decision when I married Carlos. I'm not sure why but something caught my eye and made me pull out C's biopsy results for a closer look. They read: complete maturation arrest. I had forgotten about that, I had searched what it meant and asked Dr. Nuts about it. The information I found seemed to hint that complete maturation arrest could be treated, or at least we could attempt to treat it, with Clomid, steroids and such. Dr. Nuts told us, no, there is nothing further to be done. But Dr. Nuts is a small town urologist who performs maybe 2 testicular biopsies a year, by his own admission. He primarily deals with prostate cancer. Now I'm starting to think and google some more.

Now I'm wondering if there is something we can do. Maybe it's not the end of the road for us and maybe Dr. L is going to be able to help us. Hope returned in full force and then I stumbled across an email from a nestie that I had forgotten about. She said that she had found out that testicular biopsies aren't really the best way to determine presence of sperm and that they could actually do more harm than good, in the long run. Doing a search about that was confusing, some stuff I found seemed to support that but most stuff didn't mention it. I'm more confused then before and have a ton of questions for Dr. L now.

I don't want to think about it too much but something inside of me is whispering that there is much more to the story. Maybe I shouldn't be giving up on C being able to have bio children. I know one thing for sure, I can't wait for our appointment. I hope the next 11 days just fly by.