Ok, let's put all the drama with XH behind us, shall we? I'm so over talking about him and our marriage. I was able to work through a lot of the last lingering issues thanks to his recent bout of craziness and that is an amazing feeling! I've been so scared of marrying M because of those issues and now I feel 100% about it all. He's a truly great guy and just gets me so much that it's crazy. I feel like I can be myself with him and that is truly such a wonderful feeling!
We've been discussing wedding plans off and on since we got engaged but have been too busy to really do anything beyond that. I never imagined I'd be planning at wedding at 33 but it's kinda fun to look at dresses, flowers, and fabulous shoes! Plus Pinterest wasn't around the first time I got married so that adds even more fun to the whole thing! We have decided on a destination wedding in New Orleans, our favorite city, probably sometime in the Fall. I'll be joined by 2 bridesmaids and he has his best man. Other than that, we have no clue about anything else. We do know that we are keeping things very small and not inviting anybody beyond our immediate families and best friends. Neither of us wants a circus...or drama!
Of course these plans are subject to change, if I get pregnant. We are still loosely trying, I'm not charting or anything like that, we're just not using protection. My cycles are still all over the place so I'm not surprised that nothing has happened yet. While a baby is very much desired, I'm trying to be positive and not too negative about not being knocked up yet. Sometimes that works very well for me and other times...it's a struggle. I recently gave my sister a baby shower and it really didn't bother me the way baby showers use to, which was both surprising and relieving. I did have an ache in my empty ute but it didn't send me into a downward spiral or drive me to tears after everyone left, which I call progress!
Progress indeed, but I have to admit that my recent birthday did sting a little. Not that 33 is old, but because I always thought I'd be a mom by now. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm not, the timing hasn't been right up until now and the guy was all wrong! But I still thought I'd have kids by now. That was the "plan" anyway. Ahh, no quicker way to make God laugh than to tell Him your plans!
I don't know if anything will turn out the way I plan but I'm hopeful!