August 25, 2016

Busy Summer

It's been a busy summer and it feels so good now that things are settling down! I spent much of the last few weeks getting my oldest nephew ready for college because he was offered a baseball scholarship! I am so proud of him! I went with my brother and SIL to help move him into his dorm recently and it was such an emotional experience. He's now happily settled in Kansas, over ten hours away from us, and that is challenging for my close-knit family! But we are insanely proud and can't wait for his first visit back home for Fall break.

My dad's birthday recently passed too. It was an emotional day, of course, but I was also busy preparing to leave for Kansas so that distraction was nice. The pain was quieter this year than previous years. Which surprised me, especially since Father's Day sucked like it usually does and I expected the same for his birthday. I had trouble sleeping the night before his birthday, I just didn't want to lay in the dark reliving his last moments over and over. So I ended up awake and surfing the Internet until I was too exhausted to think and passed out. I wish he was still here and could see my nephew in college to play baseball. My Dad loved the game, coached my brother from little league until he stopped playing in high school, and played on a softball league until his stroke. He never missed either of my nephews' games and even attended two of their games while on hospice.

I know he's watching now, I just wish I could see his reaction to it all. How thrilled he'd be, the advice he'd be yelling out to him on the field, the snark he'd lever towards the coaches and umpires, the pure awe he would surely feel to see his grandson doing what we all dreamed, hoped, and prayed for when he was a little four year old playing for the YMCA.

My nephew received a lot of advice in the weeks before he left from everyone. I even sat him down to talk about safe sex and consent, which I've lectured him about since he was fourteen, but I wanted to really drive it home. I told him that his Grandpa is and always will be watching over him with pride. That my dad always said being their Grandpa was his life's greatest treasure. I told him with love like that watching over you from Heaven, how can you ever fail? Try everything with gusto and enjoyment because how can you fail? Spread those wings and soar, because how can you fail?

And even if you do fall on your face, if you stand back up and keep going, how did you fail? Redefine failure as not trying, not getting back up, as not daring to live like failure doesn't exist.

Lord, I hope he listens and takes it to heart. I hope he seizes the day and squeezes every last drop of greatness out. And when it doesn't work, or he has a bad day, I hope he looks up into the sky and feels all that love so he can try again tomorrow.

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