June 23, 2009

Just wanna go home

It seemed like a good idea at the time, to come celebrate Father's Day with my Dad since you just never know if it'll be his last, and to just go ahead and stay 2 weeks since my younger sister is pregnant and due the day after Father's Day. A good idea until I actually got here and my family started to get on my nerves. Nerves that were already hanging on by a thin, little thread as a result of our failed cycle. I am ready to snap. I am also ready to drive back home and pout in the arms of my husband. Did I mention it's hot as hell in TX during the summer?! I am melting!

I was doing ok, I even helped my sister assemble some last minute baby items. I was happy to do it and to talk about the baby, my niece. But, then we got to talking about the baby's loser father and how he is jobless, carless and basically not a functional human being. I asked myself, why am I torturing myself? So, I went to spend some time with my inlaws. Where I was ambushed with a pregnancy announcement that hurt like hell. Not because I begrudge the happy couple, who by the way got married after us, but because a stupid cousin of Carlos's then turned to me and asked, "Wow, what are y'all going to do? Adopt?"

To which I could only reply, "What? What are you talking about?" before walking away from her in a daze. I had no clue that she knew about our IF troubles and promptly tracked down my SIL to ask who spilled the beans. SIL adamantly denied any involvement, thus confirming my suspicions that it was her big, stupid mouth. I was beyond embarrassed and saddened that C didn't have happy baby news to share this Father's Day. I stay with my ILs when I visit because they have plenty of space and my parents don't and so I came back here and cried my eyes out. All I wanted was the comfort of C and he is in another state. I had only been here a day and already I was planning my escape.

I feel like an ass because I am happy to be spending time with my Dad, nephews and nieces but it's hard to see that because I am just so miserable. I am beyond happy to share precious time with my Dad, he's simply amazing. His recovery is remarkable and I don't regret coming. I just desperately wish C was here to keep me sane. I have requested his help in plotting my escape and his devilish mind is coming up with tons of ideas to help get me out of here early.

I hope that this was the last Father's Day that Carlos isn't able to celebrate.

1 comment:

  1. OH that is so upsetting! You were there to get away AND you were helping her with a hard task for you! I'm sorry it didn't turn out to be as relaxing as you wanted! I hope next Father's Day you have a baby to take home!