June 26, 2009

The Way You Make Me Feel

Life is such a fragile gift and I try to live each day to its fullest. I also try to come to peace with my regrets because I don't mind having them, as long as I don't repeat them. I spread my love to all those around me because I have an endless capacity to share. I have enough faith, hope and love to go around the world many times over. I have an incredible husband, a supportive and hilarious family, wonderful friends that I can call at 4 in the morning and silly dogs that I adore. I am educated, Carlos has a great career and we have a beautiful house. Simply, I am blessed.

Now all I need is a child to share this all with, to show the beauty of the world and the kindness of people. I want to stare in amazement and awe at a child created by my husband and me. I want to go treat or tricking with the most adorable costumed kid ever, I want to bake Christmas cookies and take visits to see Santa and I want to answer endless questions about the most random things ever. I long to sing lullabies, read beloved children's books and listen to the giggle of my child. I believe I'd be a good mom, certainly not a perfect one, but the kind my child would be proud of. I know Carlos will be a fantastic dad; he'll encourage rough-housing, fishing and a love for snakes and sharks. He'll build forts in the living room, teach them to appreciate the joys of camping and always shower them in love.

I want to be a mom, I want Carlos to be a dad. We are ready, when will it be our turn? How can I find the patience to endure IF treatments? How can I deal with the crappy hand that we have been dealt? How will I ever be able to rectify the pain, that I view as caused by me, to my husband? Most of all, what if it never does happen for us?

Perhaps Michael Jackson had the answer to it all, and breaking out in a random sequence of funky dance moves really will cure my sadness. I bet the angels are all moonwalking tonight!

1 comment:

  1. This is a really nice post! I think it is so ironic that the people who want children the most deal with IF. It is very frustrating and I ask all those same questions about dealing with it all. IF completely overtakes your life and I don't know how to balance or make it less important. GL with all!