November 3, 2009


I've talked about my younger sister before, about how AF made her appearance the day of her baby shower, completely ruining it for me. This was in May and when I went home for the birth in June, AF made her appearance again. AF is such a stupid biatch and this is why we are no longer on speaking terms. AF has been MIA ever since but what do I expect from that asshat? Anyway, my sister was in an abusive relationship with the father that ended very badly recently. So, she's coming to live with us. My 21 year old sister and her 4 month old are going to be living with us. The "us" that is in the middle of the total crap that is azoospermia. Should be interesting. My sister and my mom assure me that it is temporary and I know that it is an emergency situation, so we don't mind. I just hope that I can keep my IF bitterness hidden while she's here. I'd do anything to protect my niece and my sister so here they come.

We're heading home tomorrow for a few days. Our second opinion appointment is Friday and we are anxiously awaiting it. It's all I can think about, so much so that I've been having baby dreams every night lately. Last night it was the cutest little girl named Ava Grace, which isn't a name we've ever been interested in, but there she was, my spitting image and cute as a button. The dream ended badly but in it, I was a mommmy and C was a daddy and our daughter was the most precious thing in the world. I just *know* that we're going to be parents and I can't wait to meet our child.

I hope these dreams are an indication of potential good news on Friday. I hope, with everything in me, that C is able to father children one day. So much is hinging on this appointment that it scares me. I don't want to pin all my hopes on this doctor b/c I'm very aware that there might be nothing he can do. I should be more cautious with my heart but I just can't help but have hope. Hope, because little Ava Grace also had her daddy's nose.


  1. I'm praying that your appointment goes well on Friday and your sister and your niece are in my prayers as well. I'm glad that your sister was able to leave the abusive relationship. I know it will be hard having a baby around, I can barely hang around my close friends who have babies and little children and I admire you for being such a good sister to your sister and helping her in her time of need. I'll be praying that you can keep your IF bitterness hidden while she's with you. IF just sucks!

  2. I hope the next few days fly by for you. Keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed for better news!

  3. Good luck on Friday! I think it is amazing that you are helping your sister and niece. Hopefully it will be a positive experience.

  4. Woah! Sister and baby doesn't sounds like an easy life heading your way. Try as much as you can to protect yourself too and give yourself some good time out.

    Fingers crossed for Friday and hold onto that amazing feeling of being a mommy in your dream, it will become a reality - one way or another!