I have been so overwhelmed and unable to focus on the good that came out of our second opinion, it’s really annoying. All I ever seem to think about is sperm, ovulation, doctors, medical bills and it’s a lot of what I talk about too. I swear I used to be interesting and have a sense of humor! IF already messes you up enough without it completely taking over your life. I really have to kick my butt in gear and start being happy. Or at least try. I really just can’t keep going down this same path of fear, doubt and sadness, it doesn’t help.
I mean, come on! We found sperm! The doctor thinks we’ll be able to get me pregnant! IVF is no walk in the park but I can do it! I can do this. I can stare IF in the face and not blink because I will kick its ass. I will have a baby. I will constantly rub my baby bump, buy way too much baby stuff and argue over names with Carlos. I will gleefully invite everyone I know to my baby shower (or at least whomever is throwing my shower will) and I will decorate the cutest nursery, ever. I will have a baby, damnit!
I had stopped buying baby stuff for myself because it hurt so damn much. I hid what little I already had in the very back of my closet and I avoided baby sections in stores like the plague. Well…I bought a onesie. Yep, I bought the sweetest little onesie for my baby. I saw it at Target and fell in love. So, I bought it and it felt so good. It says, “wishes do come true”. Yep, they do and one day I will be holding my wish.