I just want off this roller coaster. No more, I just can't keep having hope and then having it yanked away from me. I'm tired of bad news and doctor appointments, of arguing with C about which direction we should go and of feeling so damn depressed. I'm ready to not constantly think about IF, I want it to not be the focus of my life.
Rationally, I know this is all impossible. We have decisions to make and plans to finalize. After many tears, talks and praying, we've decided to take on IVF. We have also decided against PGD and are still discussing ordering DS as back up. These were not easy decisions to make and I still am worried about the consequences of our choices but what it came down to was C. C told me even if the chance of success was .001%, he had to take it. He wants a biological child and is going to give it his all.
He is right. We want a child and even though IVF scares the hell out of me, we are going to try. We know that we are going to face a lot of criticism from people for doing IVF, for not doing PGD and for basically every decision we made but it's our decision and the one we are most comfortable with.
I just pray that it all works out.