January 29, 2010

Bittersweet News

Wednesday was a flurry of doctor appointments and information. First up was my new Houston based RE and we both love him. The only downside is that he is also an ob/gyn so we sat in his waiting room with a ton of pregnant women. I had a date with the dildo-cam on my birthday and that was, like always, a treat. RE said my ovaries are wearing pearls...best description ever of cyst-covered PCOS ovaries! Anyway, IVF in Houston is cheaper than IVF in Little Rock but much more inconvenient with us living in Arkansas and all that. ::sigh::

After my RE, we met with Dr. L to go over everything. That is when it all went to hell and turned my birthday into a really crappy day. They froze two pieces of tissue and the third was examined for sperm. There were only 3. They believe the other two pieces contain that same amount. Dr. L informed us that he was incorrect in believing there were two blockages and that we won't be able to ever conceive on our own because there were no blockages. We cried and cried.

Turns out, C was born with something called Y Chromosome Micro-Deletion. Lightning struck my poor husband at conception. He is missing the pieces of DNA that control sperm production and has azoospermia due to a birth defect. The only way we can conceive is through IVF with ICSI. But, they suggested we also do PGD on our embryos. C will pass this defect on to our sons and they will pass it on to their sons, all males from C on will be IF and need assisted reproductive technology. We cried even more.

Dr. L set up an appointment with a genetic counselor and we rushed over to meet her after Dr. L depressed us. She reinforced everything they told us and suggested transferring only girl embryos. We've been in a daze ever since Wednesday aka the crappiest birthday ever.

Do we roll the dice and risk cursing our son with IF? Do we PGD our embryos? How will we be able to look our hypothetical son in the face knowing that he won't be able to conceive? Did Natural Selection decide to hate C? Is this nature's way of saying C shouldn't reproduce? Why are these questions so hard and the answers so elusive? WHY? WHY? WHY?

What the hell are we going to do?


  1. I'm so sorry Amanda. This just stinks. Thinking of you.

  2. These are the same thoughts I was having a few months ago. DH doesn't have any kind of chromosomal abnormality that we can find, but the doctor said he wasn't able to tell us 100% that we wouldn't pass on IF to any sons we potentially have. I very much wanted to do PGD and only transfer girl embryos, but in the end, the cost got to us. Turns out, it didn't matter last cycle anyway because it didn't work. It's such an awful thing to have to decide.


  3. I'm so very sorry. I know you had so much hope. So many decisions.
    I'm sorry I have no answers, I'm in the same boat, just waiting to have to surgery to see how many they can/if they can find sperm.
    Allow yourself time to be sad about all this and maybe in a few days when the dust settles a bit, a decision will be clearer.
    Again, I'm sorry this sucks so freakin bad.

  4. I am so so sorry. Know that I'm thinking about you - wish there was something that I could say or do.


  5. SO sorry, what a crappy situation, I would have no idea what to do either...and who evens wants to make those decisions. Just pray for the strength and wisdom to know what to do. Right now it's so fresh and overwhelming....take some time to take it all in and let it settle. Wish I had the answers ... :( Hugs.

  6. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You must be in such emotional anguish. You don't deserve this.

    I also agree that you will need to wait a few days to let this sink in, and then your brain will be clearer.

    I am so sorry.

    I am thinking about you tonight.

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  8. Damn, I'm sorry. I don't know why the questions have to be so hard - and why the answers have to be so elusive. Know that both my wife (Fertility Chick) and I are thinking about you.

    Sorry about the deleted comment above - it was me - just didn't realize my wife was still logged in.

  9. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! My husband and I live in Houston and he has also been seeing Dr. L (I'm pretty sure it's the same doctor). My husband was diagnosed with azoospermia last April. We're on our third IVF cycle right now and my husband usually gets about 10 motile sperm out of each specimen the day of my egg retrieval. The quality of his sperm aren't always that great, though.

    I'll be praying for you and your IVF cycle this summer! It is such a rollercoaster. Feel free to email me at courtney.yerkes@gmail.com. I'd love to chat with you about Dr. L and your experiences so far with your RE and IVF.