We've been going to the same tax person for the past three years that we have lived in AR. She is a sweet lady and always remembers us, which is nice. This year, I could barely stop myself from throat punching her. She asked us if we finally had some dependents this year and it was like taking a punch to the gut. C quietly told her no and that we were planning IVF this year and how should we keep track of that for our taxes next year. She launched into this huge speech about adoption and timing and "just relaxing" so that nature can take it's course. She pointed out pictures of her grandkids and told us about her DIL being told she couldn't conceive. How she adopted and got pregnant right afterward, just to get pregnant again right after that one so she sent the woman's son to get a vasectomy and isn't that so funny? lololol
I kept my composure until C glanced at me and then my eyes just began to fill with tears. I just sat there, numb, listening to this idiot and fighting the tears. I was so happy to leave her office. I'm even happier that I was able to fight the tears until I got home and could cry in private. If our IVF doesn't work, there is no way I can go back to her next year.
It's taken me some time to get to a comfortable place with our IF, I'm not as depressed about it anymore and I'm trying very hard to not let it rule my life. It's much easier to get out of bed in the morning now that we have sperm frozen and a firm plan for IVF. I'm hopeful for the first time since December and it feels so good. I'm proud of myself for moving past the darkness of our initial azoo dx, I've fought hard to get here.
But, all it takes is someone laughing about a vasectomy to send me reeling. How I wish C was fertile enough to require such a thing. How I wish I was fertile enough to require getting my tubes tied or BCP. How I wish we weren't facing IF and IVF. Ugh, that stupid bitch.
On an unrelated note, a friend told me today is National Margarita Day. I am not one to go against celebrating a holiday and am enjoying a nice, big margarita. Oh how it helps ease the pain of other people's stupidity!