Yep, I'm a total creepass and stare at pregnant bellies. I can't even be that discreet about it, they probably think I'm checking them out or plotting to kidnap their baby. I just can't help it and sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. I see a baby bump and my mind just zeroes in on it, I just start wondering all kinds of things. Is it a boy or girl? When she is due? Is it her first? How does her nursery look? Does the baby kick a lot?
Now, let me translate that into IF. Will I ever have a boy or a girl? Will I ever anticipate the due date of our first? When will I decorate a nursery? Will I ever feel a baby inside me? When oh when will it be our turn? I just can't stop thinking about pregnancy and if I will ever be lucky enough to see a positive pregnancy test, show off ultrasound pictures and marvel at the heartbeat. Will C ever get to talk to my belly and feel a kick? Will I ever be coached through labor by C? Will I ever see that goofy look on his face as he wonders at our creation?
These thoughts race through my mind and cause me to stare in awe at pregnant women. It's amazing and I hope they realize that. They are doing what I haven't been able to and might not ever be able to. They have visible proof of a miracle sticking out through their shirt. All I have is my depressed induced weight gain that PCOS makes so hard to lose. I so badly want what they have and it makes me sad and depressed and jealous and impatient. And since I can't have that yet, I stare at pregnant women.
I totally do that too and I have to make myself not look so that I won't look like a creep.
ReplyDeletewww.brandysheaif.blogspot.com
I do too. yep.
ReplyDeleteand then I go home and stare at myself in the mirror trying to imagine what I would (will?) look like if I was pregnant.
Hey, you don't have to answer this, but I was wondering if you and C have/are considered DS?
hugs - Foxy
I do it, too. ((hugs))
ReplyDeletefoxy- we've talked about it and are comfortable with the idea. we really have to make up our minds about it before we cycle b/c our uro really wants us to have DS as back up in case the biopsy finds nothing. C's brother offered to be our donor a few months ago but has since not brought it up. the jerk
ReplyDeleteI get you...but look on the bright side...at least you're a woman doing it...when I get caught staring at pregnant bellies, people run away from the 'scary psychopathic pervert'...like a guy staring is something sinister instead of realising I'm in a daydream wishing it was my wife with the beautiful smooth round tummy and that I could spend days and weeks just touching and caressing it...hohum...
ReplyDeleteI do that too!!! I'm mostly just thinking, "Does that woman know how lucky she is?".
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. I am in awe of pregnant bellies and just think a pregnant woman is just about the cutest thing on earth. Keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteIf you're a crazy creepass, then I'm right there along with you. My belly stares are sometimes jealous stares, but they are also stares that send me into the land of dreaming for my own. Also -- drop by my blog when you can. There's an award coming your way!
ReplyDeleteI understand exactly how you feel. I always wonder, do they realize just exactly how big of a miracle this is?
ReplyDelete