Yep, I'm a total creepass and stare at pregnant bellies. I can't even be that discreet about it, they probably think I'm checking them out or plotting to kidnap their baby. I just can't help it and sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. I see a baby bump and my mind just zeroes in on it, I just start wondering all kinds of things. Is it a boy or girl? When she is due? Is it her first? How does her nursery look? Does the baby kick a lot?
Now, let me translate that into IF. Will I ever have a boy or a girl? Will I ever anticipate the due date of our first? When will I decorate a nursery? Will I ever feel a baby inside me? When oh when will it be our turn? I just can't stop thinking about pregnancy and if I will ever be lucky enough to see a positive pregnancy test, show off ultrasound pictures and marvel at the heartbeat. Will C ever get to talk to my belly and feel a kick? Will I ever be coached through labor by C? Will I ever see that goofy look on his face as he wonders at our creation?
These thoughts race through my mind and cause me to stare in awe at pregnant women. It's amazing and I hope they realize that. They are doing what I haven't been able to and might not ever be able to. They have visible proof of a miracle sticking out through their shirt. All I have is my depressed induced weight gain that PCOS makes so hard to lose. I so badly want what they have and it makes me sad and depressed and jealous and impatient. And since I can't have that yet, I stare at pregnant women.