Finding something to smile about amidst less than happy circumstances is a bitch. I guess I can add gratitude and hope to that sentence too. Cause lately I really suck at anything positive related. It's really hard seeing my Dad go through chemo, he's lost 15 pounds and he was pretty skinny to begin with. My Mom is trying so hard to be strong for him but just falls to pieces with me. I just wish I could make this all go away for them. They are also having a hard time with money since my Dad was the provider and can't work right now. C and I are doing everything we can to help but I still feel like I should do more. It just never feels like I am doing enough and I feel horrible for not being in TX all the time. It is really tearing me apart feeling like I need to be in two places at once.
So, finding something good right now is hard but I am trying so much, I need to keep in mind that there is good. Buying a new book, finding a cute Summer dress. floating in the pool with friends, date nights with C, my little brother graduating high school, talking to my nephews and nieces; all very simple stuff but good nonetheless. I try to find something happy every day, I call them "my little gold nuggets", to thank God for at night. Some days I only have one little nugget to be thankful for but sometimes there are a lot. It helps keep me sane.
I look forward to getting past this, to my Dad's clean bill of health. I can't wait.
Even when there is so much to be grateful for, life can still feel pretty unbearable at times. Appreciating the nuggets sounds like a great strategy to remind you that the is goodness out there, even when life is so hard. My job can be really discouraging, but every friday we celebrate little victories. We always find something that went well during the week to celebrate. it makes a huge difference. Hang in there Amanda.
ReplyDeleteAmanda, your father continues to be in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad that you are able to find gold nuggets. I know that it's very hard to try to look on the bright side of things when you're going through so much. A great big HUGS!!! to you.
ReplyDeleteThat is pretty amazing that you are able to appreciate the little (and big) things in midst of such a hard time. I am really sorry about your dad and pray for you and your family. i can't imagine how difficult it must be for everyone to watch a loved one suffering. Hugs xoxoxoxox
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