June 18, 2012

Rolling On

Time just keeps rolling by and I've learned to just roll right along with it. Sometimes it's easy and other times, it is so damn difficult. C and I are doing so good, we've catapulted off the rock bottom we hit and have reached a place we haven't been in since before the azoo diagnosis. The irony of being so happy in my marriage while grieving my father can, at times, be very confusing. It's odd but I'm not going to over-analyze it.

We sold our house after a whopping three days on the market! We decided to go the "for sale by owner" route and have been lucky thus far with the decision. We close mid-July and it can't get here fast enough! I am mentally in Texas already and so done with Arkansas. The new house is almost complete and it looks amazing! I can't wait to move in and spend time with my family. Packing up our AR house has been interesting, not quite sure how I managed to cram so much stuff into 1362 sq feet. Been selling a lot of it on craigslist though! 

Father's day was spent in tears, it was even harder than I imagined. I still find myself staring at his picture in disbelief that he's really gone. 6 months later and it still doesn't seem real. Well meaning people keep telling me that time heals and that the pain will lessen, this makes me want to scream at them. No, time doesn't always heal. I'll grieve forever because I'll miss him forever. I just will learn, and am learning, how to live my life with this hole. How to laugh and smile again despite the pain. Every milestone we hit without him is just another reminder of how much we've lost. It's hard and I wish they would stop minimizing my pain. It's ok to grieve, it's ok to be sad. It's not fun but it's ok.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a dimmer light without my Dad around. But it's there and I know I'll be ok. I'm learning how to roll on and it's how he would want it.

1 comment:

  1. I also hated it when people made well meaning comments about time healing pain. Thats BS. But once someone wise told me that the pain of loss will never go away, but with time we do learn how to live with it. I think that feels more real to me.

    love to CL :) good luck with your sales!