October 23, 2013

Carpe diem and stuff

If I've learned anything from my Dad's death, it's that life is short and precious. If I learned anything from my divorce, it's that you have to be responsible for your own happiness. I've been talking a lot of noise about carpe diem and making yourself happy and all that other jazz, which, yes, I still very much believe. I try to do one thing every day that is just for me and it has to be something that makes me happy. Sometimes it's as simple as painting my nails or indulging in some wine. Other times it's as big as booking a trip or making big life decisions for my future. But, every day, I do something for me. At first, it served as a distraction from the pain and that was deeply needed so I could keep my sanity. Then it involved into something so much more, it became a habit and it became something that made me so damn happy. I poured so much of myself into caring for my Dad and so much into my marriage, that I had very little left for me. I have no regrets, I'd make the same decisions if faced with them again, but now I know it's something I need for myself. It's food for my soul and it's my guiding light so that I don't lose myself ever again.

My determination to not lose myself is so important to me now that the Cowboy is in my life. It's just in my nature to give and give because I enjoy making others happy but that is so dangerous because you can get in over your head and lose sight of yourself. Or, at least I do, I get lost so easily. I never want that to happen again so I spend a lot of time ensuring that I stay in touch with my wants, needs and dreams. What I really like about the Cowboy is how much he encourages my wants, needs and dreams. I know I can make them happen on my own but having someone else in your corner shouting encouragement is always a good thing! I actually shared this blog, very briefly, with him. He read a few posts about IF and my Dad, he said it gave him great insight. I also shared with him my love of photography and my long secret dream of being a photographer. I've taken a class and I think I take decent pictures. I've done my niece's birthday shoots almost every year since she was born. Thanks to his encouragement, I've started doing more shoots to build my portfolio. And I love it so much, it feeds my soul and I wish I had started sooner.

He also digs my writing and I know that I'm no English major or a great writer but I do love putting my thoughts into words. So, I signed up for NaNoWriMo and I am so excited, and a little intimidated, to start! I still have no clue what I'll write about but I am brainstorming like crazy so there's that, I'm not a total slacker. Have any of you joined or participated in the past? Please tell me that I won't lose my mind or fail!

I'm seizing the day! I'm making myself happy! It feels so damn good to take steps to better myself. I'm finally practicing what I've been preaching. High five for me!

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