No change

I feel like I have gotten a lot accomplished lately. I "outted" myself on FB about our IF, we had our follow-up with Dr. Nuts and I scheduled our second opinion. Ok, maybe that isn't much but it sure felt like it!

Coming "out" on FB was amazing. I was super nervous to do so but once I did, this huge weight lifted off my shoulders and it felt so good. Not many people commented on the post but the ones that did, were supportive. I also received messages and emails from people with more supportive words. Most mentioned God to me and how this is His plan and how we should just adopt, I ignored them. I figure everyone deserves a free pass on stupidity and now that they have used theirs up, any future idiotic remarks will be met with my snark. It's been fun to update my status talking smack about IF and our doctors. It's liberating.

Our follow-up with Dr. Nuts was an epic disaster. That man actually made Dr. Insensitive seem tender. He announced to us that the results were, "terrible, just horrible and you should just adopt" and when we mentioned donor sperm he said, "Well, Mrs. Mqn, don't you have issues as well?" He told us that he understood we were frustrated, to which I replied that frustration isn't even reaching the tip of the iceberg of our feelings and that we were devastated. He laughed and told us that this isn't the worst thing that could happen. To this, I gave him the dirtiest look I could through the tears and told him a few choice words. I literally hate this man and wish heaps of badness on him.

We told him about our second opinion appointment and when we told him it was with Dr. L in Houston, he told us we picked the "male infertility guru". I was very happy about that but then Dr. Nuts gave us a laugh and said, "If he fixes you, let me know b/c I would be really interested in that." I walked out of the room and left the building. I was furious. Thankfully, we will never again have to see Dr. Nuts, unless I run into him at the store and I'm sure I'll be arrested if that happens. So, on we move to Dr. L and the stack of papers we have to now fill out before we see him. I'm not expecting a miracle, this appointment is for our peace of mind before we start gathering information about our other options. We have to cover all our bases and say that we did all we could. Although, a miracle would be awesome.

Still cry a lot, still feel like running away with C and still angry at the big guy upstairs. I'm just trying to not be so gloomy so that I can enjoy what is left of my favorite month. Oh man, so not looking forward to the holidays with this heaviness in my heart. IF, you are one big, stupid biatch.

P.S. we received the biopsy results on our 18 month TTC anniversary, how is that for irony?