I was a car accident over the weekend. Saturday was a super busy day for me- small nephew's baseball game, watching my diva niece, shopping for photography props, etc all which had me driving all over Houston. I had such a strange feeling that day too, traffic was heavier than usual due to a festival in Galveston so I was being very cautious. But when I realized that I desperately needed to run out to I.kea for the last three props I needed to set up for Christmas shoots, I felt a sense of dread come over me. I just ignored it and set off anyway though because it had to be done.
When I saw the car was going to merge into my lane, I laid on my horn but he just kept coming so I slowed down and braced myself. M started cussing immediately and my brain just went into auto as I put the car in park, put on my flashers, and asked him to dial 911 while I got out to check on the other driver. Luckily, nobody was hurt and the poor kid was super sweet and apologetic. My car is so banged up but his insurance is taking care of it so I'm not upset, just really glad that it wasn't much worse.
I knew almost immediately that I needed to call XH. He's paying my car insurance and my car payment so I couldn't not tell him, although I thought about it. I hadn't spoken to him in 7 months but he was surprisingly decent and was only 30% a prick. We've been in contact since then via text and he's being a human being for once, so I'm grateful for that too. It was odd hearing his voice again, I realized I had kinda missed talking to him. Which is a really odd feeling for me to have. How can I miss talking to a guy who screamed such horrible things at me? The damage he's done outweighs the good but I guess the part of me that loved him for so long just overlooks that.
Divorce is such a roller coaster. It's been two years since we split up and so it's not raw anymore but it does still bother me. I do get sad that I'm divorced but I'm not sad that I'm divorced from him, if that makes sense. I'm still processing feelings I guess, not my feelings for him, but my feelings about marriage and divorce in general. I've made peace with the fact that XH and I aren't together, I just haven't made peace with marriage or divorce. Both concepts piss me off and I'm working on figuring it all out.