October 13, 2015

Emotional Month

What a month it has been; non-stop work, family activities, house stuff, and just being plain old busy has occupied almost every day. I barely have time to catch my breath! Along with being busy, some health issues have popped up so I'm trying my best to not overwhelm myself too much. I want to just pause time a little and enjoy my favorite month slowly!

October is such a fun month but it's also packed with some emotional baggage. XH and I split up three years ago this month. I didn't even realize the date until late that night when I finally checked my Timehop app. I was surprised that I hadn't remembered and laughed at myself a little. I was so utterly destroyed a mere three years ago and now here I am, it's been quite a journey and transformation. What started out as total devastation ended up being the most amazing opportunity for me. If I could go back in time I wouldn't change a thing, I'm exactly where I want to be and I am exactly who I want to be. I'm so damn grateful for the last three years because the beauty that sprung up out of so much ugly has been just completely mind-blowing.

October is also the month that my Dad started hospice. Four years ago this month, we started his final journey. I'm sad that it's already creeping up on four years since he died. So much has changed and is continuing to change and I just desperately wish he were here to experience it all with us. I miss him with an ache that I feel deep to my soul. I can't explain how it feels so differently from other grief I've experienced and I can't express just how deeply the cut goes but I can tell you that living with it is sometimes very hard. Time has helped me adjust to living with it though but that doesn't make it easier, it just makes it manageable.

What I've learned though is that life goes on and you can either keep up with it or get left behind. I chose to not only keep up but to toss laughter, sarcasm, and pink glitter everywhere I go...with just a dash of hope. Because the best way to counteract the sad parts is with all the good you can!

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