November 23, 2015


I couldn't tell you the last time I saw XH. Well, up until last week anyway. Per our divorce decree, we're selling the house next month so we had to talk about that. Which led to him confessing that things aren't going great between him and the woman he left me for. I'm not surprised and was even kind of laughing about it, because, well, karma. He ended up coming over to patch a hole in the wall and ended up staying three hours. Just venting and talking about it all. It was so odd.

I was finally able to address some questions and get answers from him. Answers he had refused to give me before. It was nice for my own sake to get that last bit of closure. I've been thinking that I was just a horrible wife and it was nice validation to find out that while I wasn't perfect, our marriage ended mainly because of his own issues. I finally confronted him about the emotional abuse and manipulation from him. He apologized but could only defend himself with talk about how unhappy he was and how sorry he was that he took it out on me. I told him I wasn't seeking anything other than recognition that he did that and his owning up to it was a nice release for me.

In all his venting about his relationship I noticed such striking similarities with his complaints. And per his norm, he can't see his own issues and failings. It's amazing to me that he is so damn blind. It was also nice to get that last confirmation that our divorce was absolutely that best thing for me. I didn't fully doubt that but I also had this tiny pang of regret that comes from being a divorced woman, that comes from a failed marriage. It's a label I never expected or imagined so being at peace with it has been challenging at times.

When M got home that night, I gave him the biggest hug and kiss. I'm so grateful to have a man in my life who is my true partner, who brings out the best in me and makes me strive to be a better woman. I'm grateful to have built this life out of the scraps I was left with and I honestly wouldn't change a thing.

I will always be thankful for my time with XH but I will always be even more thankful that our time ended. Life is good, my complaints are few, and my heart is full.

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