Stuck in Limbo

Can you believe my divorce still isn't final? We split up 11 months ago and filed 10 months ago but we are still legally married. It took us some time to reach a settlement and then we both were busy and then my lawyer was busy and then we finally reached an agreement so I signed the papers. Only to get a call from C that night refusing to sign unless some changes were made. Changes to an agreement we had just reached, yeah, ok asshole. So I forwarded the info to my lawyer and the next thing I know, C has hired a lawyer too. So now we are back at square one, I guess? C wants to change things up drastically, my lawyer is pissed and so we are fighting and headed to mediation. It's been a roller coaster and it's one that I am quite ready to get off.

Despite us being in the middle of a divorce, we still talk about once a week. He's even met the Cowboy. Which was an interesting experience for me but everyone behaved and acted civil, which you can never guarantee from C so I was very relieved. C has started just showing up at my house, the last time was around 9:30 at night last week. He claimed he was giving me my mail but it was mostly junk and then he stayed for about an hour and vented about work and his friends and caught me up on his life. It was weird to have him talk to me that way, like we were still something and were just chatting about our day, like we use to. Stuff like that just gets to me. Of course C will always be special to me and part of me will always love him but I've moved on now. I seldom think about us the way I use to and I don't want him back anymore. I literally can't imagine getting back with that man, I just can't.

So, here I sit, stuck in limbo. My awesome boyfriend by my side and my soon-to-be ex-husband still a thorn in my ass. It's confusing at times and tensions can run high but if I've learned anything the last year, it's to just roll with it all. So, I shake my head at the mess and laugh...because I just know, deep down inside, that everything is happening for a reason and I'm exactly where I need to be. It will all work out the way it's suppose to so there's no reason to stress over it. Instead, I laugh and grab the Cowboy's hand and zoom off on another adventure. Or meet my friends for drinks at our favorite bar. Or play with the dogs. Or read a book. Or, I smoke a cigarette with C and we talk like there isn't some huge elephant standing in the room. (I seldom smoke, but occasionally, the situation just calls for one.)

Limbo, it's not too terrible for now but I know I can't stay forever.