July 15, 2014

What Should Have Been

I've got a good life, I'm happy and healthy and strong. I'm surrounded by family and friends. My dogs are awesome, my boyfriend is amazing. My future looks bright. It's much smoother sailing than it has been in a long time. So you can imagine my annoyance when shit from my divorce pops up. It's like being on a hike through beautiful scenery and suddenly stepping in a huge pile of dog shit. Everything is still beautiful, but fuck are you pissed about the dog shit.

I had a nightmare about XH Sunday night and spent all of yesterday in the bitchiest mood. I think it's because today would have been my 8 year wedding anniversary. I don't miss him, or want him back, but it's still bothering me. And that pisses me off. It's my big ol' stinky pile of dog shit. Damn it all.

I can't help but think about the past today and wonder about what might have been. Thoughts that are all very useless but flood my mind anyway. I know tomorrow will be better and I know that by next week, XH won't even be a thought in my mind. But today? Today can go suck it.

I'm leaving for vacation Friday, my first with M. A day in NOLA and then 3 days in Panama City Beach followed by an OOT wedding that he's in. I'm excited to experience these cities with him, he's never been to either. I've been to both with XH. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment? Ugh.

No comments:

Post a Comment